Role Models

Growing up, I idolized not celebrities but ordinary people. People like my Grandfather; Donald Deininger. People who brought honor and pride to every single thing they did. People who just flat out do the right thing by everyone; including themselves. And, that's the way I try to live everyday. I'm not saying every now and then that I won't royally mess up, but I won't screw up without a great deal of personal reflection. A look deep down inside.

I went through a short period of bullying this one kid in middle school. He was a little weird, okay, by most standards, very weird. I would spew off smart assed one liners to make my friends laugh, I would throw out insults that I tried to reason with myself weren't "too bad". But, there's no reasoning with an insult. They're all bad. No matter if it's said with a smile or a laugh. If the person on the receiving end is not smiling or laughing...chances are, it hurt them. And that's not something I pride myself for doing. Which is why that period in my life didn't last long. It wasn't me and it wasn't who I wanted to be. I never went home after doing that, excited to tell my mom about it. If you've done something you can't tell your mom at dinner...chances are it's the wrong thing to be doing.

After that, I felt bad. Really bad. All that kid wanted to do was go to class, eat his lunch and go home. And here I was, making his day shitty. Who was I to do that? Who was I to decide he should have a crappy day? To make him feel bad? When I asked myself this...the only worthwhile answer I came up with was: No one.

No one has the right to make someone feel badly for no good reason. And, I quickly learned that as a stupid teenager. My bullying days ended pretty much as soon as they started. I thought I was hot shit. I had a group of friends who I felt I needed to be a smart ass in front of to be liked and it turned out, that's not why they liked me at all. They liked me because prior to those days, I had been a very accepting person. Someone who was friends with all kinds of people. Someone who liked to make people laugh, to have fun. Being thought of that way was more important to me than feeling like hot shit.

As an adult, I try to surround myself with people who think and feel similarly as I do. These are good friends to have around. Friends with dreams. Friends with drive. I try not to do the wrong thing. I don't drink heavily. I am usually always home at a reasonable hour because I have a responsibility to my job to be there on time, if not early. I've always been that way. I work hard there, even though it's tedious and not particularly what I want to do with my life. You should treat every job as if your life depends on it, make sure by your actions that they know you deserve to be there. In the world we currently live in, we should all be so lucky as to be blessed with a job, no matter how great or thankless. I thank God for my job just about everyday.

I think this way because I looked up to people who worked hard, who earned everything they had and were generous when they could be...and sometimes even when they couldn't be. It's not about you, but the things you do, the things you say. That's what people will remember when you are gone.

Hopefully, someone will remember me that way someday. My little cousin Tara and I have a special bond, she asks me about my time as a ballet dancer when she's having a tough time in her dance classes, asks my advice on dealing with her friends in school. I'm honored to be someone she turns to. And, everyday, I try to live in a way that would make her proud to look up to me. And most of all, I try to live in a way that would make me want to look up to me.

Who do you look up to? Why?